This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
