chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
