hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
