Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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