so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
