I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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