my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
