I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
