A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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