i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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