I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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