This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
