we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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