I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
