Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
