Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
