meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
