So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
