we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Did we literally take a cab across the street
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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