Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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