Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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