is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
