I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
