I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
