Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
