and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
