I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
