Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
