It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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