thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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