My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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