no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I enjoy the company of your penis
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
