It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
