He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
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Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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