i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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