Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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