i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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