I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I will die if light touches me.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
