I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
