I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
