My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Randomize
