who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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