No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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