the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
