So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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