Well douche your snatch and let's go!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
