i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
