I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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