I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
