that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
