you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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