So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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