ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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