Swine flu. Run for my life!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Randomize
