My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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