Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
