My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
