yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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