We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I need water and some morals
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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