I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
