Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
