you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
