you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
