i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
