u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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