Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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