I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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