i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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