Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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