You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
