you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
