woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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