oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize